I created a new twitter to help stand up against suicide. It’s username is @happppythoughts!You may or may not know my past, but either way.. Please follow me and help me try to make a difference! Much love :)
Stay Beautiful, you wonderful person! c: Make sure you keep that chin up, got me? I've been clean for about 4 months now... I feel reaallly good. I met a girl at school and we are really getting along together, and much much more. We keep giving each other cute texts and cute Skype Messages, and we hug a lot at school. We're like the 2 awkward kids who sit alone at lunch. It's the most perfect thing ever. Anyways, you're amazing, I love you, and try to stay clean! :* <3
You told me to text you whenever I felt down and depressed.. You told me you were just a call away if I ever felt the need to again.. I was stupid and believed you. I believed someone might be able to help me, but you gave up on me.. just like everyone else.
My ex boyfriend, of 7 months, recently got into a real bad car incident which involved two fireworks blew up in the car he was in. He’s had one surgery and will have another one in about 2 weeks. It’s crazy how much I think about him. I can’t get him off my mind. It’s just like when we were dating again.
I finally convinced myself I was over him. I wasn’t thinking about him all the time, I could picture myself with other guys.. Then this happened & thousands of memories flooded back into my mind. And stayed there ever since. I care about him so much.. Him being 500 miles away in a hospital in so much pain is killing me.. But what’s really killing me is.. He won’t care. I’m his ex, he’s moved on. After I’ve done so much for him in the past week, it’ll be worth nothing to him. I am nothing to him.
Hey I have a friend who seems to be doing awful and I am just worried that she will try to hurt herself. If you could please start a prayer chain for her, that would be amazing! I just don't want her to know I'm doing this. GOD BLESS!
Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life. My friend was killed in a car accident. While we weren’t super close, it’s still crazy to think I’ll never be able to see her beautiful happy smile again.
She attends my school’s rival school. Within a year, our two school systems have experienced 3 student deaths. While we can argue back and forth about who’s going to win a sporting event, it amazes me how we always seem to come together.
School just started. I’m in ridiculously hard classes. This AP US History class is takin a toll on me. I’m beyond busy with work. I’m helping our AT at school, so I have to be at all the sports stuff. Basketball starts up tomorrow.
I love doing all of it.. But it’s just so crazy. I feel miserable. :( all I want to do is break down & cry. All I want is for this to end. I can’t handle all this…
"Girls are project-oriented. They want to see progress in their project, but they don’t really look forward to COMPLETING the project. (Guys are the opposite; if they have to expend effort they want to get things done and move on, or go back to playing xbox, or whatever. For them a job is a job and needs to get completed.) Girls need to feel like they always have something happening, always have something to do. Are you the perfect guy? Then yes, you will get friend-zoned, because you are already complete. She needs a "fixer-upper", someone she can improve, fix, or "save". Of course, this will never happen. Guys are like horses: once they are broken, it is for life. But this is why girls go for dicks and assholes: they need someone that they feel "needs" them; tragically, this is their own misperception, because assholes and dicks will never open themselves up enough to truly need and appreciate them… well, not until they have lost them, anyway. THEN the asshole is all "I’m sorry! I need you! I love you! You are my life!" And that lasts only long enough to get the girl back, and then their job is done and they go back to playing xbox. Or whateveer they were doing before."
My ex:I’m sorry :’(! The day you broke up with me, I wanted you back. I was too young and stupid to admit it then though. All this time I’ve loved you. I know I treated you like crap and that’s why you never took me back :( The days where you’d give me hugs after my friend died, I fell so hard for you. I started not talking to the girl I thought I liked so much. It reminded me how amazing and perfect you are. But I remembered some other guy had already figured that out. :( The day I saw you crying because Tyler had broken up with you, I wanted to cry. It broke my heart. When we hugged, I almost kissed you and broke up with my girlfriend for you. I regret that I didn’t. I wish I would have. Because now I love you both and I don’t know what to do. I’m glad we’re at least really good friends. I miss seeing you happy all the time. I miss you always having a smile. Guys have treated you like crap and you’re the last girl that deserves that.
Me:I love you too, you’re my best friend. I couldn’t thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I’m so happy you’re happy with Miranda! You definitely deserve to be.
Me:*in my head* I still love him. But I screwed up freshman year and lost him. I’m in no place to screw up Miranda’s chance with such an amazing guy. Right?
The moment you told me you were moving back, I started crying. I didn’t know why. As I’ve been sitting here thinking about it, it’s cause I miss you. After all the crap you put me through, I hate to admit, but I do. I miss you. I miss the smile you put on my face, the butterfliies you gave me, our silly little who loves who more fights. Our memories replay over & over in my head all the time. Like, the stupid dance i did when you told me we were moving back, our first hug, our first kiss, those stupid shoes in the Nike store, walking around the Winamac game feeling like I was the luckiest girl in the world because you were right by my side, the long texts i’d wake up to in the morning, how whenever you were mad at your friends you’d just start making out with me to tick them off, that night when we were home & Dakota was pissed, our McD’s dates, how you’d come to my tennis meets whenever you could, me kicking your ass in ping pong, you being terrified of kissing me in front of my parents, prom (which was amazing, thank you so much.), the nights it felt like summer & we’d spend hours upon end together. all those memories replay in my head like it was yesterday and it feels crazy that we’ll never have anymore. remembering all those memories, i also remember the shitty ones. when you told me you lived in 6 hours away, when you told me you cheated on me, always hearing rumors that you were cheating on me, crying myself to sleep multiple nights, getting into fights with you, feeling not good enough for you, not being able to give you what you truly wanted, breaking up.. for good. i know we didn’t have the perfect relationship. we weren’t always 100% happy. sure, you didn’t always treat me the greatest, but i wasn’t always great to you either. i was always depressed & i’d hold on to things. you’d work your butt off to make me happy & i’d be stubborn and refuse to give in. i was always so annoying with all my texts & calls. I know we weren’t perfect. I realize our imperfections. But I love you. And I know you love me. I know for the time being, we’ll never be together. It just wasn’t what’s best for us right now. i felt like a princess with you. i felt like we could take on the world. i hope one day, i’ll feel that way again. i’ve tried talking to other guys since we’ve broken up, but everytime they talk about dating, i can’t handle it. i do something to purposely screw it up. stupid & lame, i know. but i can’t help it. You raised my expectations of a boyfriend. You showed me that there’s guys out there who will respect me, instead of just giving in. I couldn’t thank you more for that. When you go back, find a good girl for you. Don’t whore around. You’re way better than that.. I know that. You just need to realize it. You’re capable of finding an amazing girl. You definitely deserve it.
One day, we’ll both find our perfect match. Maybe it’s each other, maybe it’s not. But, either way.. I’m glad our paths crossed. You gave me the best 9 months I could ever ask for. Yeah, it had it’s ups and it’s downs, but it was with you.. And that’s all the mattered.
It all started when I was with my ex boyfriend. This random number would text him and talk crap about me. He’d get so pissed off. Then.. When him & i broke up, I figured this person would stop.. Nope, he started targeting me. Saying horrible things to me. We figured out it was a texting app off an iPhone or iPod, so we never can figure out who it is.
This kid makes my life miserable. He’s called me every name in the book, bashed anything good I thought about myself, ruined my confidence. He’s said horrible, nasty things to me. When I get sick of it, I freak out on him.
As if that’s not enough, SOMEHOW.. This kid manages to find out the guy that I like or am talking to. I don’t know how. He’ll figure it out before I barely tell ANYONE. If I freak out on him, he’ll text them & cuss me out to them.
I feel horrible for the people that get brought into this :( It seems neverending. This kid seems relentless. He’s out to make my life miserable..
I just wish it would stop.. But it won’t.. And somedays, I feel like giving up.
I know I have it good. I know I’m blessed. I know I have a great family.
So, why do I feel so unhappy? Why do I cry myself to sleep at night? Why do I always think about the “What ifs.. ?” Why aren’t I satisfied?
I feel ungrateful and so stuck up. But I can’t help but feel that way. I feel alone in a crowded room. I feel like I can’t be myself around anyone. I’m tired of being that girl that’s always there for everyone. I want someone to be there for me. I need someone to be there for me.
I feel like everyone relies on me, I’m the go-to girl when someone needs help. But when I need help, who do I have?